I have nothing to make fun of or even anything witty to say. I am blessed with my children and blessed with my marriage.....for better or for worse and honestly feel the only way I can even come close to showing any sort of appreciation to the God who is responsible for such treasures within a world of such suffering is to do my best with what He has handed me to do and commit to seeking Him and His will for my life. It's probably easy to think that I'm writing this at a time where things may be going well. Not necessarily. They aren't going horribly either. However....we do owe quite a bit on property taxes at the end of this year and have no idea where that will come from just like many other families. Diapers are almost out..bills are monthly....but we have Christmas gifts to buy, and a baby on the way in NO time that will add significantly to the diaper cost and a few other costs at that....is a dog really a good idea right now? But it's CHRISTMAS! .... I have challenges with home schooling that leave me beyond frustrated at times....but I accept that as a reality of teaching...I have challenges in my marriage that also leave me beyond frustrated.....(that is definitely the understatement of the year)....but I accept that as a part of being married.....Somehow ...someway...through prayer possibly...through the effort made to seek out God.....or more likely His free and abundant grace my heart has been altered...and continues to be so.....it doesn't stop when you ask Him to be Lord of your life....it continues growing and changing because He has continued growing and changing me....all He truly did require was for me to pick up my cross and follow Him. How guilty I am of stopping along the way and resting....or sometimes complaining....even arguing....but my eyes are opened to many of His acts of faithfulness, provision, unconditional love.....I could not turn and leave His side....especially not when He never leaves mine...even though I probably will still have days where my lack of faith, obedience, and trust is shameful....I finally know what it feels like to be in love with Christ...and what a silly concept that used to be to me only a year ago....to be in love with Jesus as opposed to simply loving him. I know He blessed this marriage and blessed me with it...I know He planted the desire in my heart to homeschool and has been my strength...I know He has forgiven me not just for what I have done but spoiled me with blessings in return like a child at Christmas.......He could have stopped at forgiving. I would have understood, expected that.....but instead He has not stopped giving to me what I do not deserve. How peaceful it feels to be loved by Him.
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